Deterred Determination

I was determined to make the day count. I had woken up with the rising sun ready to take on the day. Though I honestly I had to get up to make sure my silly boy was awake and getting ready for work. I too wanted to stay cuddled up in my warm snuggly bed, but the two of us both need to do our best for our jobs.

I was a wake but not too motivated to sit all day at my desk.

Still I was ready to try my best to pick back up where I had left off in my Japanese textbooks. It had been months since I had last scanned my eyes over lesson 6. “You can do this Amanda! You need to start studying again.” Otherwise all I would do is waste the day reading reddit and trying not to fall asleep.

“NOT TODAY!” I swore to myself over my caramel iced cafe latte I bought at Family Mart, the humid summer air already heating up my cold morning drink.

Not moments later did my drink and I find ourselves walking into the cool air of the teacher’s office. Beads of sweat continued rolling down my back as I took my seat. The air was still warm and damp, but it was better than what lay on the other side of the office door; the deadly humid summer heat.

I readied myself for the next few hours at my desk. I took out my pencil case, notebook, and textbooks. I laid out my banana and smoothie that I also bought from Family Mart for breakfast, and placed my coffee on a simple little coaster; to help keep the sweating cup from getting water all over my desk.

“Let’s do this!” I whispered as I cracked my knuckles and got down to business.

I managed to study for about 10 or so minutes when I felt the itch of its gaze scratching at me from my left. I knew it was interested in what I was doing, but I wanted to give it no time of day. So, I continued on, trying to ignore it.

For twenty minutes I would continue to feel its slimy gaze reach out to me from its lazy seated position. Its blank dull face cased half lulled eyes in my direction as it continued to watch. Though I could only steal glances from corner of my eyes.

‘Is it really staring at me?’ I would think to myself. ‘No, it can’t be.’

Why am I still so kind? All this time I have given it the benefit of the doubt even though it has a reputation for being creepy. Even its own kind claims it to be awkward and strange. I don’t know how I can continue to put up with it.

Still I held out. I had no mind to let the dirty feeling of its eyes upon my face deter me from my task. I had to study!

Summer vacation has come for the students. I had no lessons and no real need to dress up for work. I simply wore a t-shirt and yoga pants with only lotion and sunscreen on my face. My appearance was nothing special to look at, so why did these wandering eyes always fall upon me?

Eventually I had enough. I got up from my desk and walked away. I found anything I could to keep me busy and nowhere near my desk.

It worked, but only for so long.

I am now back at my desk and feeling the eyes loll over to my seated figure. But I have to remind myself, ‘You cannot look. You cannot make eye contact. You know it is always worse if you acknowledge its presence.’

I will continue to hold out for as long as I can but I will dream of the day when it will have to move its fucking desk. But that is still months away.

Ah, Fuck… We just made eye contact…

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