This Christmas will be the third one without you.
I remember one night when we still lived in the small town of Avon. That night the air had been chilled but not enough to warrant fully covered bodies from head to toe. You in Papa’s large winter coat, while I was in the appropriate snow ready outfit. It was warm enough for the snow that had been playfully falling to be fluffy and white.
I remember the calm that hung in the air. As we walked hand in hand in our warm mittens down the snowy roads. Michelle was bundled up all snug in her yellow baby sled as you pulled her along.
The falling snow sticking onto our early 90’s styled pom winter hats. I remember your brown hand-me-down boot heels scuffling against the pavement as we walked. While it wasn’t a storm we had dared to tread in, the town was quite and empty. No tracks left from others. No marks left by cars.
The sky was bright pink that night. Made even brighter by the colorful holiday and city street lights. The three of us all together walking in joy and happiness, side by side. Though at times I would jump about, wanting to run amid the fresh snow. The magical feeling of the holiday spirit filling us to the brim.
I remember this night every time I look to the sky and see its pink blush amid the cold winter nights. No matter where, no matter when, I remember this time we spent so happy and bright.
Since your passing I have found myself with so many questions. I feel like I don’t know all the secrets or life lessons you have yet to share. I wish I could turn back the clock and just have a few more of your precious minuets, hours, days.
We didn’t know we would be saying good bye. We always thought there was time.
Sometimes I regret what was done, that I should have been there for you. That I should have done so much more. But I can’t turn back the clock. I can’t change what has already been.
I want to hear your voice, to see your toothy grin. But all I can ask is for you to please keep watching over us from up above and keep us safe from harm. You are our dear mother now and forever. Just missing you dearly in the dark dreary weather.
So dear readers this holiday season I have but one request. To spread warmth and cheer, be kind to your family and keep them all near and dear to your heart.