What I mean to say is…

Since the post “If I go back” I have been ask by several people if I would want to stay in Japan forever. I have been thinking about it a lot these days. Would I be able to drop everything I had dreamed about doing? Can I leave family and friends behind to start all over in a country hundreds of miles away. The biggest question has been would I be able to survive?

Walking home from work each day leaves ample time to ponder such questions. Though its been several days since I was first asked about the possibility of staying in Yanai forever, I am still unsure if it could be a forever thing. I have been weighing pros and cons to staying and going. But each time I think I could make a sufficient answer I come up short. These days I just feel so empty in trying to make a decision because I have so few pros and cons for each side.

PRO

  1. Currently living a healthy lifestyle.
  2. The people here have been kind and caring.
  3. I am something “special” and “rare” here.
  4. I enjoy Japanese food and can readily eat it every day.
  5. Everyday is a challenge and different from the last.
  6. I often forget that I am the foreigner here.
  7. My job is fun and exciting. My students are the best!
  8. Public transportaion is a real thing in Japan. (Trains, buses, and bikes OH MY!)

CON

  1. Often get hit with the lonely bug.
  2. Language barrier.
  3. Cultural differences that are the norm but foreigners just don`t know.
  4. Dating is limited for my type of person.
  5. Live very far from family.
  6. The foreigners that are here are not always the greatest.
  7. What is there here for me to do after JET?
  8. What is there for me to do when I return from JET?

Though many of these reasons are simple the biggest reason I think I should go back if for family. My mother passed away two years ago this last April. My sister just had a baby of her own. My father and brother are often busy and need held around the house. I feel like I need to be there to support and them. To be able to assist them with their needs and woes. But do I want to be a house wife for my family all my life? Moving back into my fathers home would mean just that…

Thus I am stuck with the what is there for me after JET if I would return to the United States. There are limited job opportunities in the community where my family lives. It is the norther half of the state, the more woodland half at that. I would have to move to find a job I would like to pursue, but what is that job? What am I meant to do?

There are just too many questions floating around my head on weather I should stay or leave. If I should dive into another adventure and move else where. Thankfully there is no rush at this point. I have signed on for another year through my program. I can sign on for another year after that. Then there are possibly two more years that I can stay in Yamaguchi working with elementary or Jr. high school kids. There are other options as well.

At this point I could stay, I could also go. I guess I will just have to see where my life`s adventures take me. For now Yanai and Yamaguchi are my home. I just can`t say for how long.

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