I wrote a letter to my sister at the beginning of December last year. I started it with out being sure as to if I was going to send to her. It has been written and rewritten so many times. I think I have over six drafts now.
In my past December posts I often mentioned that she was pregnant. Well, my little nephew came right on schedule, December 31st. The letter had started as a good luck Shell! You got this in the bag! But through rewriting it over and over it changed to a more serious and sisterly letter.
The main reason that I was writing it might have already happened, Coopers birth, but the love and meaning within it have yet to change. I think I will send her the letter after all. So, then she can have something to hold in her hand and keep. Or what ever she may wish to do with it.
Dear little sis,
I know I don`t often use the title of sister when speaking to you. We have always called each other by name. For me it was strange to say hey sister, I enjoyed calling you by your given name. I know it is not Cinderella like I had wanted it to be at the tender age of four. I do take pride in knowing that I did help name you Michelle.
You see, growing up I loved you dearly. You had been my little sister, I needed to be the strong older sister that could help guide you and care for you. Growing up alongside you, we have gone through a lot. We fought like sisters, we loved each other like family, and we grew apart as we got older due to our differences. Teenage girls often don`t get along well under one roof, but somehow we managed to make it though.
When I left for college I was sad because I could no longer watch over you like I had over the years. I shielded you from many things as we grew up and you might not have even known I was doing it. But after I left… I had moved out as quickly as I could from the family house to run away from a lot of the pressure I was feeling from being the oldest. It is when I started to change from being a good old sister. I started giving myself fully to being social with others and watching over them, instead of my family. Even so, I have always worried about the family. I drove my closer friends crazy with how much I would worry about home life and family.
All through my college life many things changed for me and our family. I won`t go into much detail about everything. You had been there, you know. We both had many struggles but also growing moments. Though I might not be proud of everything I have or have not done I can say this, you and I have grown closer. Our family bond, though we don`t agree on everything and we are both stubborn like Mama, is stronger than I think it has been before.
Dear sister, you have gotten older. You have gotten stronger. You have changed so much. The person you are today, and even tomorrow, is beautiful. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for becoming the person you are today. I might not always be there like I feel I should, but I am always proud when you call upon me for anything; even if it is to talk about poop. For the times we struggle, for the times we fight, we are still sisters. I love you dearly.
Why am I saying all this? In our family we have never been good at voicing our love for one another. We may hug and say “love you,” but it is always something that is more a habit, the feeling doesn’t fully come across. So, I am writing this letter to you and it is getting rather long. Must mean I love you a lot.
Soon you will be giving birth to our little Cooper. When I was younger I had been able to be there for you after you had been born. Sadly can’t be there for you when you give birth. We are seas apart, but I hold you in my heart. I am always chatting away about you. I love my little sister dearly. I am so proud to be your older sister. I worry about you all the time; stress, being pregnant, giving birth, dealing with our crazy family, and life issues.
With this birth, I just hope that all the right people are by your side. I know you are in good hands. Mama might not be with us in the physical sense but she is within us, especially you at this time. I know that she is watching over us with our sassy grandma and great grandma. They probably think we are doing everything the wrong way yet too. Regardless, we have so many people in this world and the next watching over us.
So, dear sister, I love you so very much. I can’t wait to meet the cute little button of joy that will be the new addition to our family. I can’t wait to have another member of the family to watch over and guide. I will be the most amazing aunt out there. Remember I am the cool person in our family, just saying. So, while I am here in Japan know that I am always thinking and still looking out for you. I might not be able to give you a hug every day, but our silly little messages are enough of a hug. Love you so much little sis.
Your older sassy sister