Damn

Waking up in the morning a little groggy, but still aware enough to stagger my way to the bathroom I find my way. After that common ritual, I move to the next task. I sigh as I move over to the sink to wash away the grime from my hands. I attempt to wake myself more by leaning over the sink to splash cool water onto the skin of my oily face. Green greats green as my eyes meet and take in a mirrored image of a disheveled face, because mirrors can tell no lies. I grumble under my breath as I make my way back into the small white square that is my bedroom.

Looking my best for work isn’t too big of a concern; school is still on summer vacation. I am still required to go in regardless. I move over to my standing full lengthen mirror. I stand within the border of its white frame. I slap on some basic liquid foundation, powder my face, and attempt to brighten up my appearance with some blush. To finish the look I slide on a head band to help tame my messy brown hair and place black frame glasses upon my face.

I think to myself the look is ‘good enough’ as I drag my feet over to the closet to pick out today’s lazy but appropriate outfit. I decide on a pain black t-shirt and khaki pants. Simple but it will do. Stripping out of what I pretend is PJs, I switch out my panties. I then don my bra and manage to struggle into an over-sized t-shirt; I arrive at the last step, my pants.

One leg after another I step into my khakis. Slowly I slip them up over my legs to rest onto my hips. I seal the deal as I easily button and zip them into place. As I release my hold, something people only dream about happens. They begin to slide downward revealing the creamy flesh of lower my hip. I sigh in disrepair. Is this a dream come true or a nightmare?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Japan is great. I eat well and never go hungry. Food is portioned right and a meal doesn’t come out of a brightly colored box. I have already lost about 10 lbs. (4.5 kg.) since I have arrived. I am not sure if the weight loss has come from loss of fat or muscle. Regardless of how or what has caused me to lose this weight, my clothes just do not fit. Yes I am happy that I have lost weight and that my clothe sizes are going down, but it is also maddening. I went clothes shopping before I left the states. Only now they all are getting to be baggy and sloppy looking on me.

Now I bet thoughts of ‘why is this girl complaining?’ or ‘I hate you!’ are running through your brain.  I am still not a small little thing (Yet, I am not a small little thing YET! Though I doubt I ever will be). I am still rather curvy and a little chunky here and there. I am also in Japan, the land of the thin and small. I have a terrible fear of nothing that fits. Heck, I don`t even know how Japanese sizes work yet.

I have friends that tell me that yes there are people who are of your size here, but I have yet to see anything close. I am built like a guy in many aspects, while they are rather small, and feminine. This is going to be a struggle and I know that pants (the thing I need most) are going to be only found after I struggle through the heart break that will be clothes shopping.

I am not looking to be a model; I am just looking to be happy with myself. So please cheer me on from afar and help me think that this is a blessing not a punishment. I know those of you who are working hard to be happy with yourself as well. So, let us work hard together!

I might be in Japan as a chunky curvy young woman but damn it all… I AM GOING TO FIND PANTS! Unless all the treats in the teachers office make me blow up like a blow fish again. Freaking omiage. Delicious but evil omiage.

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